Modern Culture

You don't realize quite how ridiculous pop lyrics are until you sit there and repeat them in a stolid monotone.

I'm like a bird. I don't know where my home is. I don't know where my soul is.

Womaniser. Woman. Womaniser. You're a womaniser. Oh. Womaniser. Oh. Womaniser.

MSN custom titles are really rather funny like this :P.

Of shoes and world leaders

Now, we all know that George Bush isn't the most articulate man alive. In fact, I'm resisting the temptation to talk to you at length about it.

I find it interesting that the show-thrower is still in prison -- but at least him and his family haven't been executed. I've always wondered about the age-old Arab tradition of throwing shoes at people: Apparently, if someone in the street shouts 'Stop! Thief!' everyone reached for this flip-flops and sandals.

This strikes me as a weird tradition -- when it's +60 degrees people don't tend to go in for heavy footwear, and though one flip-flop won't kill you, there's only so many people who can be in available space (due to flip-flop flight dynamics*) -- and 2n*(sa/c*d) does not equal one stopped thief.

(*This used to be known as fluctuation frequency vectors, but was discontinued due to scientists' reluctance to marry into the english faculty.)

Since a pursuit would be harder barefoot -- I wonder sometimes if this tradition was started by a crafty shoe-thief: It's a great way to get people to chuck shoes at you (Carry a sack, maybe?) -- and make a successful getaway.

Anyway: Why are art students doing this? Are they carry a strong political message? ...no. They're doing it because it's cheaper than real art. You read about these science students doing funded research to try and find out which groups of people bite the heads off'f their Jelly babies before eating them (Young mothers, apparently).

It's not relevant: It's just something to do because you don't have the funding to do real science.

Your maths project for this term: See how many fruit pastels you can feed a Starling before it chokes.

My points:

1. An investigation must be launched into those crafty arabian shoe thieves.
2. Better funding for education!

Source: http://www.myartspace.com/

Welcome to 2009!

Hey there! First of all: The only casualties of the upgrade were those spiffy text pictures down the sidebar, we'll do without them for now (Read on for why).

I thought that a new year's post might be obligatory. I've kind of ignored the change insofar, but I feel a peculiar affection towards my country at this time of year.

England: The only place where you can mix the sentiments 'begin as you wish to go on' with massive, colourful, fire-y explosions in all its major cities.

I've been spending the national holiday doing a whole lot less writing than I'd have liked to have done (I've had several bouts of flu D: ) ~ But there's lots of interesting things happening around the world.

As usual, it sucks to be in Gaza. After months of blockade the ceasefire was broken by Hamas militants with missiles killing a handful -- in the only defence they have -- which was reproached by a week of airstrikes. This is a big stepback for our work in the Onevoice movement -- especially since this means the two states are back into open... slaughter. Especially since the killing is indiscriminate and Hamas still only has rocket-propelled missiles to defend itself with.

Bows and arrows against the lightning.

I looked into joining amnesty international -- too -- but since I'm under eighteen my scope for help is quite restricted: I'll be better off finding a local community group and helping through that.

As soon as my wee essay about community of enquiry is done, I'll post that up here for you all to see -- and until then, I'll be working on the blog. Chances are the skin, banner and name will change: I'm looking for a unique name that'll score higher on Google, and perhaps a more slick, less (loveably :3) childish look.

Who knows? But keep your eyes peeled. This blog has been going for three years and a day, and maybe i should make few alterations :).

Updating Blogger

I've put this off for as long as possible. Into the great unknown!

The blog might look a wee bit ugly for a while, but -- y'know -- that's the cost of all them shiny widget things. ^__^;

Bear with me.

My English~>POlish essential phrasebook

There are times when -- you'll realize -- you meet a polish person while in dire straits. This is a compilation of the phrases I find most useful while being an entrepreneuring young man in this harsh, harsh world.

(And no, I don't know how to pronounce those weird, squiggly things either <___<;;)

English / Polish

To Your Health! / Cheers! Na Zdrowie!
How are you? Jak się masz? / Co słychać?
Hi / Bye Czesc
Hello / Welcome Witam
Good Morning / Good Afternoon Dzień dobry
Good Evening Dobry wieczor
Good Night Dobranoc
Goodbye Do widzenia
How are you? Jak sie masz?
Good Dobrze
Yes Tak
No Nie

Please speak more slowly Proszę mówić wolniej
I don't understand Nie rozumiem
I don't speak Polish Nie mówię po polsku
Do you speak English? Czy mówisz po angielsku?
I am English (male) Jestem Anglikiem
I am English (female) Jestem Angielką
I am Dutch (male) Jestem Holendrem
I am Dutch (female) Jestem Holenderką
I am American (male) Jestem Amerykaninem
I am American (female) Jestem Amerykanką
I'm from Ireland Jestem z Irlandii
I live in London Mieszkam w London

Thanks Dziekuję
Please Proszę
Excuse me / I am sorry Przepraszam
Congratulations Gratuluję
Merry Christmas Wesołych Świąt
Happy New Year Szcześliwego Nowego Roku
Happy Birthday (100 years!) Sto lat
Grandmother Babcia
Grandfather Dziadek
Mother Matka
Father Ojciec
Husband Mąż
Wife Żona
Girlfriend (sweetheart) Dziewczyna
Fiance Narzeczona
Brother Brat
Sister Siostra
I like you Lubię Cię
I love you Kocham Cię
Are you married? (m to f) Jesteś zamężna?
Will you marry me? Wyjdziesz za mnie?
How much is it? Ile to kosztuje?
Can I have the bill, please? Rachunek, proszę
I'm looking for ... Szukam ...

My Hovercraft is full of eels Moje Poduszkowiec jest pełen węgorzy
It is the story of a man and a woman. Jest to opowieść o mężczyźnie i kobiecie.
Damn it Feynman! Cholera Feynman!
My eels are full of hovercraft Moje węgorze są pełne poduszkowiec


I cannot, my restraining order will not allow it//
Nie mogę, moje zamówienie nie będzie ograniczenia na to pozwalają.

It is the story of a man, a woman, and another man.//
Jest to historia mężczyzny, kobiety, i inny człowiek.

Is your dad a thief? Because I think he just stole my car.//
Czy Twoim dad złodziej? Ponieważ Myślę, że właśnie on ukradł mój samochód.

You were running through my head all last night. Screaming.//
Poszukać były wyświetlane za pośrednictwem mojej głowie wszystkie ostatniej nocy. Krzykiem.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put your sister and I together.//
Jeśli mogę zmienić alfabet, chcielibyśmy umieścić swoje siostry i ja razem.

I lost my hovercraft due to an insurance fraud.//
Zgubiłem moje poduszkowiec ze względu na oszustwa ubezpieczeniowe.

My Dad's Volkswagen, however, has enough eels for two.//
Mój ojciec jest Volkswagen, jednak nie wystarcza na dwa węgorze.

It is the story of three people, two of whom are male//
Jest to historia trzech osób, dwie z nich są płci męskiej

Help me, I'm trapped in a polish translation factory.//
Pomóż mi, jestem w pułapce polski tłumacz fabryki.

You're lonely, aren't you Kate?//
Jesteś samotny, nie masz Kate?

I'm not sure. Let me consult my physiotherapist.//
Nie wiem. Pozwól mi zasięgnąć mojej fizjoterapeuty.

Mostly harmless.//
Przeważnie nieszkodliwe.

Don't listen to him. He sits on dogs.//
Nie słuchaj go. On siedzi na psy.

Don't tell anyone, but I'm really an elf.//
Czy nie powiedziałem nikomu, ale ja jestem bardzo elf.

I came, I saw, I conquered.//
I przyszedł, zobaczył, zwyciężył.

I came, I make wind, I left.//
I przyszedł, wiatr się, po lewej stronie.

I came, I contracted an embarrassing skin condition, I ran away.//
I przyszedł, zakontraktowanych wstydliwa choroba skóry, I pobiegł dalej.

Yes, my physiotherapist has plenty of eels.//
Tak, mój fizjoterapeuta ma mnóstwo węgorzy.

The eyes! The eyes! They're going for the eyes!//
W oczy! W oczy! Są one się na oczy!

A pleasure.//
A przyjemność.

Hartlepool. Don't talk to me about Hartlepool.//
Hartlepool. Nie mówić do mnie o Hartlepool.

Only on special occasions//
Tylko na specjalne okazje

With milk?//
Z mlekiem?

Failing this, just use the true international language: Charadres :)
Special thanks to Terry Pratchett and xkcd.

At gunpoint

I am forced to update this blog. It's not so bad, really, but I know the only person who really reads this on an everyday basis is this mad AK-wielding Kiwi, and my mother. And, y'know, out of all the people you know will be reading about your life -- do these people count? :P

Aaanyway. These previous... seven... months have been occupied primarily be emo sllinking around campus partaking in mindless 'education' (Like learning, but with more exams, stress, egotistical power-mad overlords and overall a whole lot less learning). We get to choose our options for what we take into further education: I'd like to do music, but the DOE (Department of Education) spends too much time smoking things it shouldn't be and not enough time doing a simple job: So I've got business studies.

...Nice mental leap, there.

Apart from that, I've been... generally dossing. Loads of fiddle playing, not enough writing: Far too much watching charlieissocoollike -- on whom I have an (ENTIRELY hetrosexual) mancrush. I've also been reading up on hip 'n happening manga (courtesy of a friend of mine whom we will henceforth refer to as 'The awesome person with unfortunate hair') -- and have, again, an entirely hetrosexual mancrush on the character L from Death Note.

If my mother insists on reading this, gotta give her something to get her teeth into.

I'm part of four bands now, with another coming up as soon as I renew my correspondence khama (Using the patented Awkin unresponded Email/Samsara ratio I'm set to be reincarnated as a speck of Pediatrician's Bumfluff) and organize a meeting place. The folk scene up here is fairly small and consists mainly of old people and goats: there's only a few people outside the overlap area between them. So I'm trying to mash the genres, and bring in some hip 'n happening jazz, classical, crimp, acid punk, etc. musicians so we can get creative with the tradition.

This'll also make us more like Bellowhead (Again, hetrosexual) -- the single most awesome band evar.

But it's surprising just how many young and happening musician simply aren't prepared to get up and do something that promises to be fun, interesting and potentially brilliant. This carries some relevance to the -- let's be honest -- absolute hobbit sitting next to me making me write this.

I've been to London twice in the last month: I may post some pictures once I elude my captor.

...Aaaaaaanyway, that's enough for today. I would write something more interesting. But I'm simply not going to.

Buh-bai.

Boom-Shikka-Boom-boom : 200 posts

People are awesome xD
Yeah, quite a bit has happened to me in the last two months. After careful negotiations with my triple-agent (I think she just likes confusing people =P) I managed to get the message to my stalker that I was taking the 'Textiles' 'tourism' and 'Posing' courses next year. As such -- she chose them while I'm off doing History, Science and Music -- safely away from her manaic pursuit! >=D

Similarly -- on Valentine's day I gathered up all the bachelors I could find and went off to the most empty place on the map and sat around drinking soup and generally being happy that we could escape from our various stalkers/stalkeree (In the case of Mr. Mac) for a couple of hours.

And... yeah. Life is keeping me busy, and I intend to post in here more now I have something interesting to speak about.

Not only because of a newfound obsession with Life on Mars. Both the some and the program. Rock on. Ashes to Ashes is, also, awesome.

Booyah.

Just a few notes...

• Firstly: Happy 2008!

• Secondly: I feel I need to explain the tenth point on the list in my previous point to stop my massive female fanbase from hunting me down and stabbing me repeatedly with a frozen herring. Just because I have a massive gay fanbase doesn't mean that I am homosexual. I didn't ask for one, it just happened. Seriously >__>.
• Thirdly, this being new year -- I was up 'till 3AM last night (watching Stargate Atlantis =D), and this actually gives me the right to sleep in this morning, right? Wrong! Just have a look what I found in my inbox this morning.

12:15 Day 1: Awkin fails to wake up

Day 2: running out of chocolate

12:16 Day 3: Awkin is still asleep (doesn't he just fail at life)

Day 4: I think hes waking up!

Day 5: it was just dad walking dawn the stairs

12:17 Day 6: A big bang from other room going to check it out

12:18 Day 7: Next doro kick me out (Its was there dog that made BANG)

12:19 Day 8: we fear Awkin will never wake up (Samijam is having a party)

12:20 Day 9: running out of food one of us may have to go to the ....the...the...t-the...t-t-the....S-H-O-P

12:21 Day 10: thx to Awkin's blog we know all his secrets

some of them we didn't want to know

but we know them
gay fanbase!

12:24 Day 10:awkin is STILL asleep

12:25 Day 11: now we can never go on the walk coz this is Kebo's last day off work

12:26 Day 12 when awkin wakes up don't forget to tell him DOOM ON YOU DOOM ON YOU

Day 13: could thins be him?!?!?!

it very well maybe

12:27 Day 14: will awkin ever wake up?

Day 15: we have all gone old from waiting

12:30 Day 16: Samijam has told us the truth awkin is dead he has been sleeping for so long we hae given up hope we will go and dig a hole for him.....

12:31 Day 17 : If awkin wakes up we don't have to dig a hol

Day 18 AWKIN WAKE UP WAKE UP AWKIN WAKE UP!!!!!!!!

12:32 Day 19: we are gonna go on the walk with out awkin

Day 20: Bye see you next year!

Notice just how quick she killed me off? Outrage. And I only slept in for a couple of hours ;__;.

...Yeah. Christmas eve.

!0:20 pm. Time for us gents to start our Christmas shopping. And maybe, just maybe, post for the first time in what we in England call a yonk. Since last post I have:

• Gone to Mexico
• Made lodsa Mexican amigo/as.
• Eaten what I swear is the lining of a sheep's stomach.
• Come back.
• Given several assemblies. I am not traumatized -- and people keep calling me 'Eco-guy' as a result.
• Been elected joint-head of the school council.
• Learnt the joys of paperwork.
• Got excited over a ringbinder (I must be getting old)
• Had my details lost by the government in a variety of interesting ways.
• Stumbled across my vast gay fanbase.
• Discovered that the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes.
• Got addicted to the Boomtown rats' 'I don't like Mondays'.
• Done various fun things with gaffer tape.
• Been threatened by someone over the internet.
• Found a sense of homour.
• Been told that I must leave the country because 'the younger generation is taking up jobs! (Retire already, Ted Stevens).
• Watched lots of Heroes.
• Bought a tin hat with a reinforced titanium sweatband.
• Started playing 'Fire emblem'
• Learnt to play Boomtown rats' 'I don't like Mondays' on keyboard in a music class.

And now, this.

Meery christmas, peeps!

Flute Beatboxing

Yeah, I was stumbling through YouTube and I found some flute beatboxing, and a ruler musician. Joy be unto the world.

Recently we got a piano -- presumably because we like getting our eardrums pummeled. Well, my siblings have develop an excellent strategy. If they want to go on the Internet -- they sit down and hammer away until I either have a cardiac arrest or leave -- so the computer's all theirs.

So here I am, in ear defenders, epically linking you to a Smash Brothers theme played on a ruler -- against all the odds. 'Owzat.